A man’s heart break!
So many movies paint the perfect picture of love and its true meaning! Well, to be honest its naturally unexpected! Nothing hurts about love! It is naive, unbiased and true to its self! In the midst of everything, love can change a man for the better! However, it is the people in which loved harbors it self that deliver those painful blows. I was 22 years old when I felt my first blow. I had no clue how to get past the pain of being hurt, nor the empty feeling of loneliness! I became totally lost in my own thoughts and feelings! Every song reminded me of her, man it was like torture! I soon found refuge in music that expressed similar pain. ” When a heart breaks no it don’t break even”. A quote from the song Break Even by a wonderful group called The Script. I still think that song was written with my pain in mind! I loved her beyond myself, with no measure in mind! When she left, she took the best of me and left all the pain and helplessness. I tried so hard to hide what I was going through from my family. But those close to me saw the change, it was too apparent. Even I could see what they saw. None the less, they were unable to feel what I felt. I felt so belittled and embarrassed! My little sister came up to me as I sat in the kitchen at the window and asked “Big brother she hurt you bad didn’t she?” So surprised at her realization to the obvious truth, I humbly smiled and replied yes! The stench of heart-break exuded from my pores. It almost brought me to tears knowing that my little sister saw the emotions I wore on my sleeve. Feeling so alone prolonged every day! In effort to shorten my days, I’d go to sleep before the sun went down. Her leaving was not hard, it was the manner in which she departed that proved to be arduous. I was at the freaking barber shop getting my tape lined up when I got the text message. She was on her way back to Orlando! I called not to combat her decision but to ask why simply for closure. Even that was too difficult for her! The very thought of answering my phone call and explaining the reason for leaving excited her anger. I had no idea what I possibly could have done that was so awful! Never receiving that closure made it every bit as hard. Countless nights contemplating on past actions that may have warranted her departure. None seems to fit the description, except for the fact that she may have just did not want to be tied down anymore. College fun and excitement was more than enough to throw away four years together and a man who gave up his own college experience to satisfy her insecurities. The first time I set foot inside of any club was at age 22! Yet another one of her prior insecurities which I chose to remedy without her asking. Even through the bad break up and the denied closure, I can still say that I am happy for one monumental accomplishment. I put a stop to a growing trend at her house hold. Her step father was becoming more and more sexual with her over time. It had gotten to the point where he would rush home from work knowing that he would be home with her all alone. Holding her down on the bed or couch while trying to remove her clothes. She fought him of every time but with every perversion he got closer. He would leave scratches sometimes. She finally revealed the nature of her scratches and to say the least I went crazy! Yet I was unable to do anything, she insisted that I not try to harm him! Her mother loved him to much and it would hurt her mother if something were to happen to him. So I finally convinced her to allow me to at least inform her mother of his perverted ways. The information yelled tears at the most! How disappointing. So I took it upon myself to let him know that I was aware of his actions and was prepared to lose my freedom or life! From that point he took on a mildly submissive attitude. Enough to maintain his manliness but no enough for a dominant demeanor in my presence. The sick thing about it was that his daughter was her half-sister! But at end, my actions weren’t even worth the closure! My heart and state of mind paid the price in full. My mother always told me to never break a womans heart but I guess her mother neglected to teach her that sentiment!
